Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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