i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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