My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
