Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
