I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
