umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
