batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
