You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
