officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
