There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
