come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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