are you still at the devil's house?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
