Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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