So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
