sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
