PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
