Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
