I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
