He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Found the puke drawer
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
