I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
