First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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