A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
