in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
