I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
