in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
