a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
