If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
