It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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