Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
