Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
