She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize