sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
