waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
