$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Randomize
