perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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