If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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