I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
