hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
