Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
