I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
