i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
