yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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