oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
