This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
