I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
