You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I fill condoms, not promises.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
