yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
