Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
