He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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