Barsexuality is the new black.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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