I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
