i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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