perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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