Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
