I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
