Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize