Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I think my vagina is haunted
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
