I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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