I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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