Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
