I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
