Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
