the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
