Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
