At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
