I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
