I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
