if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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