3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
