Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
