I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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