Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
