i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The air was thick with penises
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
